As we continue our reading of Pope Francis’ “On Love in the Family” we now enter upon chapter three, and a wonderful reflection on the nature of love in marriage. The Holy Father invites us to join him in a reflective reading of St. Paul’s passage in 1Cor 13 which is so popular: “Love is patient and kind…”
Love is patient, suggests “the quality of one who does not act on impulse and avoids giving offense.” This, Pope Francis reminds us is a quality of God’s very self. To be patient is not to allow ourselves to be mistreated or hurt in our relationships, but rather to be attentive to how we engage in challenging moments. Without patience, families can become battlegrounds. “Patience takes root when I recognize that other people also have a right to live in this world just as they are. It does not matter if they hold me back, if they unsettle my plans, or annoy me by the way they act or think, or if they are not everything I want them to be. Love always has an aspect of deep compassion that leads to accepting the other person as part of this world, even when he or she acts differently that I would like.”92
This sort of patience is not passive, but rather it is quite active, calling for a very dynamic interaction with others. Such love is beneficial for oneself as well as for others, and so St. Paul names kindness as one of love’s attributes. The Hebrew idea of love as “doing good” is in Paul’s writings, and as St. Ignatius of Loyola reminds us, “Love is shown more by deeds than by words.”
Love is not jealous, writes the Apostle. This means that love has no room for discomfort at another person’s good fortune. Envy is nothing less than sadness prompted by another person’s well-being. It reveals that we are not concerned for the happiness of the other, but rather are only concerned with our own well-being. “Whereas love makes us rise above ourselves, envy closes us in on ourselves.”95 “Love inspires a sincere esteem for every human being and the recognition of his or her own right to happiness.”96
That love is not boastful reminds us that one who loves does not need to be the center of attention. There is no need for someone who truly loves to show off, to puff themselves up, or to lose touch with the reality of their own lives. The person who loves is a person who shows humility, who demonstrates that they are firmly grounded in the truth of their reality and are comfortable in that truth.
Love is not rude, but rather it is gentle and thoughtful. Love is neither harsh nor impolite, it is neither abrasive nor rigid. Rather, love is pleasing in its actions, its words and its gestures. “Every day, ‘entering into the live of another, even when that person already has a part to play in our life, demands the sensitivity and restraint which can renew trust and respect. Indeed the deeper the love is, the more it calls for respect for the other’s freedom and the ability to wait until the other opens the door to his or her heart.’”99 Here Pope Francis reminds us, I believe, of how important it is that we can greet and receive the sacred reality of the other as they are able and ready to share that reality of their sacred being with us.
To be continued…
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