Our Lady of Lourdes Church and School

Having so lifted up the dignity of sexual expression, and speaking plainly about it, Pope Francis goes on to caution against treating our sexuality as many other aspects of life are tainted, with the “use and discard” mentality. People are not to be discarded or misused. Even within marriage, the Holy Father counsels against any form of violence, and reminds us that consent between husband and wife is vital. He cites St. Paul: “Let no one transgress and wrong his brother or sister in this matter” (1Th 4:6).154 No one should ever so dominate another that their personhood is compromised, or such that sex becomes a form of escapism.

Approaching the conclusion of this section, Pope Francis goes to great lengths to remind us of the importance of respect, reciprocity and community which are essential for married life. Anyone who has experience of family knows the challenges that individualism can bring to family life. Rather than rugged individualism, family life call us to be constantly mindful of others. The “submission” of the self in marriage “takes on a special meaning, and is seen as a freely chosen mutual belonging marked by fidelity, respect and care.” Pope Francis is quick to balance this sense of submission of the self with a willingness to receive from the other as much as one gives. “We need to remember that authentic love also needs to be able to receive the other, to accept one’s own vulnerability and needs, and to welcome with sincere and joyful gratitude the physical expression of love found in a caress, an embrace, a kiss and sexual union.”157  As Pope Benedict XVI reminds us: “Anyone who wishes to give love must also receive love as a gift.”157

Pope Francis also briefly addresses those members of families who do not marry, or who choose consecrated life, or who take orders and live celibate lives. Obviously the expression of love in these contexts is going to be remarkably different for individuals, but Pope Francis sees parallels in the particular loving that these people are called to. He reminds us that “sometimes their presence and contribution are overlooked, causing in them a sense of isolation.” This is a challenge for all of us to be mindful of, and we are all called to never so take someone for granted in our family of faith that they should experience such isolation as this. The love and dedication of single people “greatly enriches the family, the Church and society.”158

To conclude this section, Pope Francis reminds us that we are now living longer lives, meaning that people are experiencing marriage “lasting for four, five, or even six decades”. The initial passions of marriage take on a different hue with the passage of time, and how individuals feel about and toward one another rarely remains the same throughout life. The experiences that are shared and worked through, the pleasures enjoyed together, all go to shape the companionship a couple experiences as they grow through life together. Here we come to more deeply understand that “the love they pledge is greater than any emotion, feeling or state of mind, although it may include all of these. It is a deeper love, a lifelong decision of the heart. Even amid unresolved conflicts and confused emotional situations, they daily reaffirm their decision to love to belong to one another, to share their lives and to continue loving and forgiving. Each progresses along the path of personal growth and development. On this journey, love rejoices at every step and in every new stage.”163