Our Lady of Lourdes Church and School

Last week’s reflection on Pope Francis’ letter On Love in the Family brought us to a consideration of the role of conversation and dialog in the family. He makes a special effort to encourage us to avoid harsh words in our relationships and to avoid venting on another or hurting them intentionally with our words. Such is often easier said than done, but instead we are encouraged to show affection and concern for one another. When this is achieved, then we can see that “Love surmounts even the worst barriers.”140

When we consider passionate love in the context of marriage, Pope Francis reminds us that it is characteristic of all living beings to reach beyond themselves. When speaking of emotions and their place, he reminds us that “to believe that we are good simply because we feel good is a tremendous illusion.”145 The example he offers is of someone who feels they are capable of great love simply because they have a deep desire for affection, but who are incapable of making the effort to bring happiness to others. He contrasts this experience with marital love, which “strives to ensure that one’s entire emotional life benefits the family as a whole and stands in service of the common life.”146 He sees a mature family life as being able to hold the various emotional needs and desires of the family without compromising the integrity of any individual’s freedom.

Next the Holy Father addresses the old chestnut that the Church simply tolerates sex as means to having children. It’s a common enough idea among those who don't’ care to understand what the church really teaches. “God loves the enjoyment felt by human beings: he created us and ‘richly furnishes us with everything to enjoy’ (1Tim6:17).”149 Sexuality is a wonderful gift from God and it’s complex nuances as they are lived and experienced by individuals, all go to be part and parcel of the complexities of family life and living. Moments of challenge and moments of intense enjoyment need to be integrated into our humanity, in order that we grow and become all we can be together.148

In this, the Holy Father invites us to be mindful that “pleasure can find different expressions at different times of life, in accordance with the needs of mutual love.”149  It’s a common sense reality, but often one a couple may struggle to appreciate as its relationship matures over time.

Turning to the “marvellous gift” of sex with which God gifts us, Pope Francis quotes extensively from John Paul II. Francis writes himself that “Sexuality is not a means of gratification or entertainment; it is an interpersonal language wherein the other is taken seriously, in his or her sacred and inviolable dignity.”151 He then quotes his predecessor directly: “A healthy sexual desire, albeit closely joined to a pursuit of pleasure, always involves a sense of wonder, and for that very reason can humanize the impulses.” Pope Francis goes on: “The erotic dimension of love… must be seen as [a] gift from God that enriches the relationship of the spouses.”152